Prologue: I only ever drink Colonial beers when I’m at Lamaro’s, I only ever go to Lamaro’s when I’m not paying.
My first boss explained to me many years ago “Leon, you work in media now, you don’t pay for anything anymore.” This was possibly the most important thing he ever taught me. Of course he should have added “but you will have to eat lunch with complete douche bags all the fucking time.”
As I’ve matured in the industry I managed to determine which sales reps are douche bags and which are actual decent human beings. Now I have mastered the art of only lunching with people I actually like. Sure it means there are only about ten reps, out of a few hundred that are trying to sell me things whom I will have lunch with, and it does limit the free lunches I can partake in, but it does make them a lot more enjoyable.
So this is how I found myself at Lamaro’s, sipping a Colonial Kolsch waiting for two of the aforementioned decent human beings to join me for what turned out to be a cracking lunch. It included such conversation topics as the downfall of Communism in China, the flaws of the American political system, if Melbourne Bitter was Australia’s most underrated beer, and a raging argument about whether you could tell the difference between on tap VB and on tap Carlton Draught in a blind taste test (unfortunately Lamaro’s lacked VB on tap so we still don’t know the answer).
Packaging: I don’t think any Colonial beers are packaged; they are all on tap beers served at Colonial owned pubs (Which include Lamaro’s, Bimbo Deluxe, Lucky Coq, Skinny Dog and a few others).
Smell: A light smell which isn’t surprising, a hint of lemon and grass in there too.
Appearance: It’s a very light beer, with a frothy white head and streaming tiny bubbles, really a very attractive looking brew.
Taste: Again it’s all very light. It has a light body and is nicely balanced with a slight lingering hop taste, with the grass and lemons back again this is a beer made for quaffing on a warm Sunday afternoon rather than studying and analysing.
In conclusion: Kolsch is a style that I struggle to get excited about. If you are making a good kolsch then you are making an easy to drink, light style beer, and this beer is exactly that, but still hard to get excited about.
Ranking: I’ll have a Schooner.
Long Bow Youtube Clip: You might have noticed earlier that I mentioned that Colonial own Bimbo Deluxe, which actually makes me hate them a little. The reason? Bimbo Deluxe killed The Punters Club which was one of the best band venues in town and a place I spent many a night back in the day. So as a tribute to The Punter’s Club here is TISM, I should warn this video involves balaclavas and a cock so you know, probably don’t watch it at work or on a tram or anything.