Time to give back my Beer Wanker Card

The Grand Cru - Now with Cheese

There are many things that you have to do if you are  a card carrying, beard wearing, certified, dyed in the wool beer wanker. You have to drink IPA’s on international IPA day, you must follow every brewery on twitter, you must at least contemplate attending every spectapular or animal VS beer dinner, or wine vs beer dinner, or Beers starting with the Letter S Vs Foods starting with the Letter R dinner (which I believe is hosted by Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch), but most of all you must like all big alcohol, highly hopped or spiced with weird shit beers. 
No one else will like these beers, but that is just how you prove that you are better than the ill informed barbaric mega swill guzzling masses.
So imagine my concern in the last week when I had two different designed purely for beer wanker beers and I didn’t really enjoy either of them. I’m shocked to my core, is it possible I’m not as big a wanker as I think I am? Is it possible that I’m only days away from reaching for a Pure Blonde, or stuffing a lemon wedge in a Corona?
The first of my taste failures was the most concerning. The beer is Murray’s Grand Cru, Murrays is a seriously good brewery, they produce some stunning beers. The Grand Cru is a Belgian Tripel, a recognised style and one which Beer wankers love, so I should like this right?
The problem, I didn’t really like it, I didn’t hate it either, maybe my hopes were too high, maybe it wasn’t suited to my drinking situation (Sunday afternoon, on a balcony when it was about 30 degrees C) but I didn’t get much from it, short of a lot of heat from the alcohol (this is a 8.8% beer) and some spicy, clove taste.
The question though is did this beer fail me, our did I fail this beer?  Schooner.
The second beer was always going to be challenging. In fact I’m not even sure that Red Duck’s Canute The Gruit is a beer, it doesn’t have hops, rather it is a ancient spiced ale, where the hops have been replaced by crazy shit like hawthorne berries and tumerics or some shit.
I was so scared of this beer. In fact that it had been sitting in my fridge for about 3 months as I tried to find the right occasion for this ale, but without a Deloren to take me back to about 1400 I don’t see how this was ever going to be appropriate ale. I opted for the old reliable cheese on the balcony on a balmy night. 
It poured nice enough, black as the ace of spades, with no head and almost no carbonation. So it looked good, but then you taste it and it all goes wrong. It’s hard to explain what this tastes like, imagine you got some Ribena, but somehow managed to take all of the sweetness out of it, then poured into a heap of burnt lemon juice. Sounds lovely doesn’t it? Well that is roughly what this tastes like. Add to all of this they it’s unfiltered so there is all this brown stuff floating in it and it’s ends up as a really unpleasant experience – Pot
Don’t get me wrong, I love that these beers exist, there have to be things are the edges of what beer can be and I do feel guilty about not liking them (well the Grand Cru, not really the Canute, that shit is just evil), but I guess you can’t like all of the beers all of the time, even if they are darlings on the vest and hat wearing crew.
Long Bow You-Tube clip: Speaking of vests and hats have you seen Shit bar tenders say…..


2 thoughts on “Time to give back my Beer Wanker Card

  1. Great post. You can’t like ’em all – and sometimes the brewer can get it wrong. I really struggle with White beers like Hoegaarden for example.

  2. so where do you hand your card back to?? I find big beers like tripples best suited to the colder months, on a hot day when drinking is as much about cooling down as enjoying the beer, tripples, russian imperial stouts and barley wines are just not my thing. Now to the gruit, I actually liked it, I didnt expect it to be as dark as it was, but I also love sour/wild beers. This falls into that category. Not sure if you like lambics or geuz but they do take some getting your head around. I remember my first Cantillion, oh hang on I’d better get out my beer wanker card…….

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