Oh Ireland, a country famous for having people who love to sing and drink copious amount of beer, well Guinness really. As such I deem them to be perfect to round out the Eurovision preview posts.
Ireland are essentially the Melbourne Football Club of Eurovision, basically they used to be good (in fact they have won seven times) but they are currently on a 14 year losing streak and that ain’t going to change this year.
The reason; Jedward are back. Two twins who are all gimmick and no substance, they look like troll dolls crossed with space men and they have had just a little too much red cordial. You don’t so much want to vote for them as punch them in the head.
How do I know all this? Well they performed last year….
2011 – with a song called Lipstick, which was more memorable for the giant shoulder pads than anything. I have to admit I don’t get these guys, they are only reasonable singers, but with an autotune so am I, and they cannot dance, plus they have the before mentioned punch in the head problem.
2008 – As bad a Jedward are, at least they are human (I think) unlike this entry, which was a turkey in all senses of the word. It’s Dustin the Turkey with Irelande Douze Pointe. I think it’s meant to be satire, but Eurovision has never understood irony. This effort never made it out of the semi final.
Beer: It’s Ireland so it has to be Guinness doesn’t it? Now I remember when I was in my early twenties I was scared of Guinness, I’d tried it once and labelled it liquid Vegemite, deemed that it wasn’t for me, too strong, too dense. Fast forward to today and I actually find Guinness to be a tad thin and a little too sweet to rave about. Don’t get me wrong, I still quite like a pint of Guinness on a wintery afternoon and it’s a nice fallback option in mass market pubs which have a shit range, but I’d not go out of my way for it – it has to be a Pint.
Random Fact about Ireland: People seriously love Guinness –there are 10 million pints of Guinness served every day around the world, or about 2 every second, given the time it takes to pour a Guinness, that means there is always a bartender somewhere pouring a Guinness.