Awesome Drink Driving Ads – Part 3

This has to be one of the weirder drink drinking commercials I’ve ever seen, Although I did hear that Drinking Driving arrest in Tatooine plummeted after this Star Wars Classic aired.

And remember Beware of Jawas, they are short and can’t hold their beer…..

Awesome Drink Driving Ads – Part 2

Back in the eighties every beer ad involved singing.

Thus it was obvious that when you were making a Drink Driving ad you would also sing – The police seemed so much more pleasant back then…..

Awesome Drink Driving Ads – Part 1 (Bro)

So I understand we talk about beer a lot on this website, and the wowsers out there may think that’s irresponsible. But I’m here to remind you to drink quality not quantity.

Oh and drinking and driving an automobile do not mix, To that end over the next few weeks I’ll be presenting – ‘Awesome Drink Driving Ads’

This week, this classic from the land of the long white cloud. So much more entertaining than the shock tactics we have been banging on with for the last fifteen years in Victoria.

Oh and this might be the first road safety song to inspire a song since TISM’s Greg the stop sign. It’s the Cuzzies with Ghost Chips.

Carlton Draught Cowboys

Remember when beer ads weren’t about metrosexuals, or magical water, mythical blonde haired women on mountain tops or shifty little tongues with a mind of their own roaming the town looking for adventures and a cold cold beer?

Nope beer advertising used to be about real men, doing real men things, like riding horses, wearing hats, having beards and driving steam trains.

There were no focus groups, no neuro-science investigations, no strategic brand agency shifting paradigms, no KPI’s . Nope there were just three guys in a smoke filled room, with a guitar and the opinion that the being a Cowboy was the most manly thing you could do (This was of course before the Village People ruined dressing up like a cowboy forever unless you were very secure in your sexual identity.)

So from a time when a long hard day’s work didn’t mean sitting in meetings, teleconferencing and answering four hundred and sixteen emails, I give you this gem from Carlton Draught during the 1970’s

Fosters and those crazy Italians.

The late 60’s early 70’s were an easier time in Australia. Men did manly things, like wearing black skivvies, every surface was wood panelled and everyone was white.

Well not everyone, There were all of those crazy Italians that turned up during the fifties. You know those guys, the ones with who looked like Papa Guiseppe, big fat chefs, with a twirly moustache, shifty darting eyes and they were constantly trying to feed you salami.

Not the type of people you see in advertising outside of pizza commercials. But you see, then, as in now, Foster’s was an Australia’s international beer. It was taking it up to the Europeans.

Now the marketing gurus at Foster’s went for a literal interpretation of this and shows us an Australian telling the big fat Italian guy to try it. He loves it. Then it’s off to the party where everyone loves Fosters, and their crazy ethnic food, and their skivvy wearing men   

I also note that what I consider to be Victorian Bitter music, was actually just the CUB music back in the day.

Oh and because all beer ads have at least one phallic symbol in it, I’d like to point out the camera shot that pans down for no good reason only to stop on the lovely young lady placing the bread stick in her mouth, followed by some dodgy looking cheese wedges, and then a blonde lady with an unusually phallic glass, and gee she’s holding it in a strange way.  

But hey that’s just my cynical modern view of life. This is from a time when things were simpler, acting was poorer, and ads were a lot slower.

Swan Special Light

A couple of weeks ago my better half spent some time in Perth, whilst there she partook in some Swan Lager because, as it was explained to her, it’s what you had to do. Now Swan is a brewery that produced some ripper ads in the 80’s, In fact we have spent quite a bit of time examining their efforts, here  and here  and this ad for  Swan Special Light (which I should note is a pointless beer)  is a corker.

Firstly the overwhelming thought is ‘Why did they go out and buy so much stock footage, or alternatively why did they bother going all the way to Sydney to  film so much stuff, only to then made it look like American stock footage?

From the Wall Street boys, the yellow taxis,  the pastel wearing men who I’m sure have walked out of a ‘cotton dockers’ commercial, and the dude with a basketball, and a huge American College style 24 of his top.

But don’t fear the Budweiser logo ain’t turning up yet. It quickly gets back on track, with a great pack shot, two beers, connected to an arm exploding from a esky full of ice. Then we really aussie it up (in a uniquely West Australian way) with some yacht racing, and (surely what is stock footage)  of Australia II, remember when people gave a shit about the America’s Cup?

But then it falls over again, all of a sudden a lumberjack appears, he has the number 84 on his chest so I assume he is 60 steps in the evolutionary chain better than the dude with 24 written on him, he has a mo, but he still looks like he is getting a trophy for ‘Best tree feller’ for 1984 for the Wisconsin Tree Chopping Association (WTCA).

Then it really looses it, we enter the realm of slapstick, a man losing control of his dog in front of a  girl in short shorts, doing that most 80’s of activities, Jogging.  The slapstick will be back later for a an equally pointless appearance later.

But back to the basics of beer advertising.  A pack shot, a man picking up the beer with the most unnatural of movements, and why of why is there only one can in the giant bucket of ice?

Anyway, time to play some Rugby, and then head to the pub, although I must admit, given the recent antics of sportsmen, I’m a little concerned for the lady surrounded by three rugby players., I don’t think she’s in for a pleasant evening.

And no I have no idea why there is a weightlifter in this ad, but fuck those computers are cutting edge aren’t they? Oh and the pink tied guy, I don’t want to smash him in the face at all, knob. 

Then there is just time to round out the ad with some stock footage of Americans enjoying beers in taverns .

Swan Gold and Renee Geyer (1987)

After the discussion of the Cross Eyed Cat it was suggested in the comments section that I examine Renee Geyer’s Swan Gold Ad. I’m nothing if to responsive to my readers so here it is:

To you non sandgropers some background information. Swan Brewery is now owned by Lion Nathan (and thus now Kirin) but back in the white suit/big debt/ big haired 80’s Swan Brewery was one of the playthings of Alan Bond. There was something flashy about Swan in the 80’s. I remember they had a blimp which used to fly over my house as a kid (I lived sort of near Moorabbin airport). I thought was awesome. (Because this was the 80’s Alan Bond of course owned ‘Airship Industries’ a UK company that built airships)  They also did some great ads about being a entrepreneur which we will examine at some point.

Swan Lager was their main beer. But this ad is actually for Swan Gold. Swan Gold was a mid strength and low calorie (probably low carb too) beer long before low carb beers were cool. This was also the 1980’s so metrosexual males didn’t exist yet so if you had a lower alcohol lower calorie beer you targeted it to women.

Now if you are going to target to women this actually isn’t a bad way to do it. Get Renee Geyer in to sing ‘It’s a Man’s world’  which is a undeniably empowering song, and Renee Geyer and undeniably powerful women, Maybe not the best ambassador for beer given her drug issues, but you know whatever.

The premise appears to be you’re a women, you’re empowered, and you drink Swan Gold. It is interesting to see what the most likely male ad men though being a empowered women was, it seems to involve wearing strapless gowns to jazz clubs, dragging stupid men around by the shoulder/hand/arm/braces, wearing glasses, kissing guys who do bad panto eye rolls, Not sharing your umbrella when it rains, and changing car tyres, so everything chicks hate about guys.

There is so much to love about this ad. The product name in neon signs, and the silhouette dancing that can be done in front of the, The Renee Geyer neon sign (in case you didn’t know who she was, although why she is always out of focus is a interesting question) The blond haired girl’s twirl that dissolves into the gold twist top, Plus this is the eighties so there is a sax solo, gee I miss the sax solo.

And just in case you didn’t realise it was for chick it’s end with the tag line ‘1/3 the calories of white wine.’ Nothing about taste, refreshment or anything, just less calories than wine.  

It’s still all a little bit patronising, but it’s saved by one of best songs Renee Geyer has ever recorded, and yes I own it – on vinyl. Very 80’s

Tooth’s Sydney Draught

There ain’t anything understated about this ad is there?  And fucking hell they fit a lot in don’t they ? I count 64 shots in sixty seconds,. Now that’s impressive.

Here is the role call, feel free to play a game I like to call ‘Spot that Cliché.’

1.       Close up of a bum (Chick’s arse not homeless guy”) on a beach (with a Jump cut none the less)

2.       Close up of two bums walking down a beach

3.       A guy waxing his surfboard.

4.       Close up of a trashy looking red lipped model who would be more at home in a 0055 commercial.

5.       A chick washing a hot rod in a white t-shirt (as you do)  

6.       Close up of her boobs as she is squirted with a hose.

7.       Topless guy with zinc cream on his lips (there is that fucking jump cut again)

8.       An Esky opening

9.       Pack Shot!!!!!

10.     Pack Shot !!!! in Ice

11.   Pack shot !!!! as a wall of beer

12.   A dude with a ‘tache at a BBQ (almost) drinking with a Jenny Kees clad chick in the background

13.   Pack Shot!!!!!

14.   Another Dude drinking

15.   Pack Shot!!!!!

16.   Two guys drinking

17.   Pack Shot!!!!!

18.   A dude with a satisfied wipe of the mouth

19.   Pack Shot!!!!! In a fridge

20.   A guy with a beard drinking in a stark studio

21.   A drunk jockey

22.   A horse

23.   Some lights

24.   Close up of a drag car’s wheels

25.   Long shot of a drag Car

26.   A Bus in a studio with a sign scrolling through Sydney suburbs  (because it’s a Sydney beer you see)

27.   A Dude passing two beers down a down red arrow (that is placed near his cock) to another guy (I don’t get the red arrow, maybe it was the trop fest item for that year and the ad man’s short film footage got mixed up with the ad and got edited in by mistake (All ad men are making trop fest films))

28.   Pack Shot!!!!!

29.   Pack Shot!!!!! With an overflowing glass.

30.   Back to that BBQ again (I like the antisocial prick reading the paper)

31.   Pack Shot!!!!! On a silver platter none the less – classy.

32.   Dude with mutton chops drinking

33.   Pack Shot!!!!!

34.   Pack Shot!!!!! Of the cans on top of what looks like a graphic equaliser (remember those)

And we have hit the 30 second mark – We know this is a 60 second ad, but the thing is most 60 second ads are only produced as a complete wank by the agency and the client. What will actually run is the 30 second version. So much like the extended 12 inch mix of any 1980’s song the rest of this ad is filler and the second rate ideas.

35.   Flashing Sydney Sign (did we mention this beer was from Sydney?)

36.   Pack Shot!!!!!

37.   A Guitar

38.   A band playing in the dark

39.   A chick dancing next to a truck with her face in the dark

40.   A truck driver

41.   A pool table

42.   A numberplate with Sydney written on it (I think this beer might be from Sydney)

43.   A shot of centrepoint tower ripped off from a tourism NSW ad.

44.   Someone playing rugby on a beach

45.   A chick laughing

46.   Driving along the Sydney harbour bridge

47.   A long shot of the bridge

48.   A really shit joke about a Sydney Fridge (and another jump cut because the pace of the ad was obviously lagging)

49.   A subliminal flashing neon sign – It says ‘S’ (for Sydney I assume)

50.   A door man and a rich woman (becuase this is a classy beer)

51.   Another subliminal neon sign

52.   Shot of a guy outside a strip club

53.   Another fucking arrow – this time green

54.   A neon sign that says Bar

55.   Two neon circles that look like boobs

56.   Some guys (and one token chick in a pirate shirt) in a pub

57.   Pack Shot!!!!!

58.   A fat guy in a wife beater drinking (In a pub, god only knows how he got in)

59.   Pack Shot!!!!!

60.   The laughing chick is back.

61.   And the fat guy, now he’s wiping his mouth

62.   A dude drinking , too fast and spilling his beer

63.   Pack Shot!!!!!

64.   Logo against a skyline shot


Combine that with one of the worst taglines ever “Why are we here?” and I’m not surprised this beer doesn’t exist anymore