Hahn White

Prologue  A cacophony of alarm bells and some blinding warning lights should have gone off when I ordered this beer. The reason for this is that the bartender responded to my request of the Hahn White with..

“We don’t have any fresh oranges to put in it, Is that okay?”

I was taken aback, why wouldn’t it be okay? I’ve never really wanted adjuncts put in my beer, no lemons, no lime, no raspberry cordial, occasionally some lemonade (when in Paris) and definitely no oranges.

The second warning sign was when she produced two giant towering glasses from beneath the bar. Everything started to stink of a marketing gimmick. Once she had poured my beers I got the final clue that I was being taken for a ride “That’s $13.40 please”

Packaging:  Stupid glasses are the order of the day if you are in a pub, if you pay $3.30 for a stubby in Dan Murphy’s you get a label that is more marketing gimmick. This is a summer beer, so of course it has a sun on it.   

Appearance: Clear yellow colour with a white head.

Taste: It claims to be ‘a Belgian style white beer made all the more refreshing with subtle orange notes.’  As Frewy (my drinking buddy for this brew) rightfully pointed out if this is a Belgian white beer it’s like Belgium has been replaced with its Disneyland doppelganger which has a ‘I can’t believe it’s not Belgian White beer’ soda fountain for which they sourced this ‘beer’.

This ‘beer’ doesn’t taste like beer at all. It tastes like orange flavoured mineral water. And not even good orange flavoured mineral water, really fake chemical tasting orange mineral water.        

In conclusion:  In the immortal words of Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. Worse. Beer. Ever    

Ranking:  Nah Mate, Just a Butcher’s     

Burleigh Big Head

Prologue: I didn’t have high hopes for this beers. Firstly it was from Queensland, which is not a state renowned for their beer. Secondly its claim to fame is that it is Australia’s first ‘No Carb’ beer. Low Carb beer is of course code for low taste beer, so I can only assume that no carb beer means no taste beer.

I check my trusty companion ‘The Brewer’s Nose’ and it told me that this beer was low in Fullness, Bitterness and sweetness. I started to hear ominous music in my head.

Appearance: I poured it into the closest approximation of a beer glass that I could find in the non beer drinkers house. It looked pale, very pale.

Packaging: The label is shit. I can see what they are trying to do. The giant baby, drawn in a I’m a teenage girl with posters from ‘Frankie’ all over my wall style. The label is all attitude. It’s like they are trying to give the beer a personality through the label. Of course a good beer will still be a good beer in a plain brown bottle.

Taste: This is not a good beer. On the first sip I thought ‘This tastes strange’ as I continued to drink I realised it didn’t ‘taste’ strange, because it didn’t taste of anything. Not hops, no bitterness, no malt, nothing. I knew it existed because I could see it, and I could feel a liquid in my mouth but I might as well had been drinking water.

Which is to say it’s refreshing, the way that water is, so you would drink if  you were thirsty but if you wanted to drink beer I buy beer rather than this.

Food suggestion: The non drinking Brewer I was hanging out whilst drinking this made a very nice asian inspired baked chicken with crunchy greens. You want to drink this with some nice food to distract you from the fact that you are drinking this.

Made up Reader’s question: How the hell do you make ‘No Carb Beer’

Great question made up guy. The short answer I don’ think you can. My basic understanding of how beer works is that the alcohol is made from the yeast reacting with the sugar and starchs in the grains, but not all the sugar and starch is converted to alcohol, what is left is carbs.

So to make beer you have to end up with some carbs. Same deal with wine. The only way to get alcohol without carbs is to distill it, like vodka. Interestingly I note Big Head does not list Yeast as an ingredient. Is it possible that this is a beer flavoured drink with distilled alcohol in it? 

Of course Low carb beer is a marketing gimmick at best and a complete crock at worse. Beer is low carb anyway, there are more carbs in a glass of milk or orange juice (and about 3 times as much in a glass of coke). It’s actually the calories from alcohol that is the real problem. If you want to slim down I’d suggest low alcohol beers are a better bet than full strength but low carb beers.

Ranking:  Nah Mate, just a Butchers