The Ruthless Moa


The Ruthless Rye

Now I don’t want this blog to turn into the type of thing where I start each post by apologising for not posting more often. I know posts have been a little thin on the ground of late, but I haven’t been drinking many beers because I’ve been sick (tonsillitis on and off for about six or seven weeks now), also I’ve been busy with other projects. ‘Working on other projects’ is what creative people say when they mean ‘I had to do work that actually pays me money’ or ‘I couldn’t be fucked doing anything at all.’

So now that I’ve started this post by saying exactly what I said I wouldn’t do it’s time to tell you about some beers which I drank last night, when I decided I was feeling well enough to actually taste some beer again.

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Zombie Frangelics

My brother is really quite a nice fella and I was reminded of this over the last week or so when I had a couple of brews that he played a hand in procuring for me.

The first was a beer which has a stupid amount of hype around it and I think it might be that hype which made me a little non plussed. It might have also been that I drank it at half time of the North vs West Coast final and was thus not in a happy mood.

Now I’m not saying that Epic’s Hop Zombie is not a great beer, because it bloody well is I’m just not sure it was the life changing, most amazing beer you’ll ever taste experience that everyone seemed to be telling me it was. Also if you haven’t already got a bottle in the cupboard, don’t bother trying to find one, they were all sold out in about three days. That’s what hype and limited supply does for you.

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From Across the Ditch

The All American Croucher

I think it’s safe to say that the range of Kiwi beers that the big island (Australia) is receiving at the moment is pretty, pretty impressive. With the likes of Epic, Yeastie Boys, Croucher, 8 Wired and Renaissance it is quickly becoming a rule that if you see a NZ beer in the fridge at your local bottleshop then it’s a pretty safe bet that it’s a good drop.
I used this theory when I went searching in my fridge (which is generally better stocked that my local bottleshop) for some beers on Saturday afternoon.  I pulled out a couple of New Zealand beers, and it just so happened that both were Black IPAs which was great because a) Black IPA a da bomb (I’m so street I could be hanging out with Toni Basil) and b) it allows me to put two beers in one post for a better reason than my usual tenuous links.
First up is the Croucher Patriot, which is like some Kiwi/American hybrid clad as it is in the red, white and blue and made with US hops. Upon opening this brew was nowhere near as big and heavy as I expected, it seemed to lack some flavour as well. I decided to let it warm up a little and then the flavours started to shine through a bit more. Roastiness at the front of the sip and then hoppy bitterness, which seemed to be a mixture of sweet fruits and piney resins, so really a little bit of everything in there. It was a good beer, but a little too carbonated for my liking and I was left with a feeling that it was almost brilliant, but just falls an inch short and was thus only very, very good – Pint.
Next up was one of those beers which takes on legendary status amongst the beer wanker community. This can sometimes be a burden as the actual beer couldn’t possibly live up to the hype, but I can assure you that Yeastie Boys’ Pot Kettle Black doesn’t disappoint. It is more syrupy and nowhere near as carbonated at the Patriot. In fact you could easily describe the mouthfeel as silky smooth. It’s a little hard to explain how good this beer is, here’s how I described it to Jord who was drinking with me and acting a scribe.
“The sip is luxurious, then 2 seconds later it comes back like ‘Pow take that with your hoppy goodness’. This has to be a Juggy McJug Jug.”  (Looking back I may have let this beer go to my head.) 
And that bitterness lingers, in fact I found I could still sense the bitterness in my upper gums about an hour later as I was wandering along the street. Suffice to say this is a brilliant beer and in the pub later that evening I did tell my brother ‘I had the best beer I’ve had in a long time this afternoon.’  He reminded me that I did have the Moo Brew Imperial Barrel Aged Stout two weeks ago, so we also solved the mystery of how long a ‘long time’ is – it’s two weeks.
Long Bow Youtube Clip: Dragon’s April Sun in Cuba, because, well it’s April and Dragon are Kiwis and that’s about all I can come up with…

Monteith’s Winter Ale

Prologue:  Way back in the day, I told you about my New Years Eve and Monteith’s Summer Ale.  I even suggested that this was an exceptionally good beer.

But Summer turned to Autumn, which in turn became winter (as it is want to do), so one can no longer turn to the gingery goodness of the Summer Ale. Instead we must look to dark brews, winter ales if you will.

Given Monteith’s track record on this site (Two Pint’s and a Jug) it was not difficult to convince Jordan that we should pick up this brew when we saw it on the shelf. It was also not difficult to convince her the very next day that we should drink it with our dinner.

Packaging: The standard Monteith’s stuff, but a nice warm amber colour to make you feel all warm and cosy. By the way this ‘Winter Ale’ is actually a Doppelbock, As we learnt here a Doppelbock is a stronger than normal German style lager – this one’s about 6%

Appearance:  This was a dark brown colour (winter in brewers minds means dark) with a solid tan coloured head.  

Smell:  It had a very slight roasted coffee smell.  

Taste:  A good beer, sweet mocha tones at the front of the sip before the hops kick into to remove that sweetness quick smart. As this is a fairly commercial brew it then ends quite crisp.

Food companion: We actually had this with a light tomato chilli pasta, which I know is not what you expect to go with a wintery ale, but I assure you it worked brilliantly. But hey that might just be my wicked cooking skills.

In conclusion:  Not as interesting as their Summer Ale but still a good beer. It’s like a toned down porter, easy to drink and a great entry to the world of darker beers.

Ranking:  I’ll have a Pint thanks  

The Long Bow YouTube Clip:  A great New Zealand band – It’s Crowded House (that’ll piss off the Aussies) with Weather with You.

Monteiths Golden Lager

Prologue: So it’s been a very long time since I reviewed anything, why is it so? I could say I’ve been drunk, (and I have) or I could say I been away (and I have), I could say that I’ve lost my drinking buddies (but that’s lie). Really it’s more likely that I’m just a lazy shit.

But putting all that behind us, I set out with the crew on Friday in search of free beer, so we found ourselves a Maori and headed down to the Maori Chief for a beer or ten. After a few warm up beers (Fat Yak, which I’ll be reviewing shortly), we headed outside and it was decided that what we needed was a New Zealand beer, and plenty of it – bring on the Punts, or is that Pents?

First Impressions:
Me: What’s this? A large beer?, And it’s what now?
Maori Guy (may or may not be a Chief): Monteiths Godlen
Me: What the fuck is it?
Maori Guy: It’s free beer.
Me: Right you are then – get me another one.

 Appearance: A deep yellow with a foamy head, like a the summer sun, and the white snow of the the Franz Josef mountain range (which is in NZ kiddies) : Smooth, easy to drink, and gets easier after the 4, 5, 6, and possibly 7 pents, strangely it seemed to transform into a stickly sweet red bull based shot bomb contraption. : It came in pents, I may come in pots also, but in pents is better.

Drinking Location: This would be a fantastic beer to drink at your bach, you could definitely load up the chilly bin with this ale, don your jandles and head off to the bay of plenty for plenty of this.

Food suggestion: Like many a beer we tested this with a Patonys Pizza, which worked well (but we were drunk so it’s a little hard to know if it actually worked) Perhaps some sort of NZ food, like Watties baked beans (they are different to Heinz you know)

In a word: It’s choice Bro, eh (I know it’s four words, and a shit steoreotype, but I couldn’t resist)

Possible Slogans: Monteith’s Golden, The beer your drinking when you are watching hot lezbo action. (seriously there was hot lezbo action going on outside the Maori Chief, this night had it all)

6 degrees of Norm: Where we link every beer back to Norm from Cheers (George Wendt) in 6 easy steps.

1. Monteiths is based in Greymouth in the South Island of NZ,
2. Greymouth has a street in called Dupree Place
3. You, Me and Dupree featured aging rodent fan Michael Douglas
4. Michael Douglas was also in A Night at McCools with John Goodman
5. Who was in Monsters Inc with John Ratzenberger
6. Who was in Cheers, and often sat next to Norm.

Ranking: I’ll have a Pint thanks