Fosters and those crazy Italians.

The late 60’s early 70’s were an easier time in Australia. Men did manly things, like wearing black skivvies, every surface was wood panelled and everyone was white.

Well not everyone, There were all of those crazy Italians that turned up during the fifties. You know those guys, the ones with who looked like Papa Guiseppe, big fat chefs, with a twirly moustache, shifty darting eyes and they were constantly trying to feed you salami.

Not the type of people you see in advertising outside of pizza commercials. But you see, then, as in now, Foster’s was an Australia’s international beer. It was taking it up to the Europeans.

Now the marketing gurus at Foster’s went for a literal interpretation of this and shows us an Australian telling the big fat Italian guy to try it. He loves it. Then it’s off to the party where everyone loves Fosters, and their crazy ethnic food, and their skivvy wearing men   

I also note that what I consider to be Victorian Bitter music, was actually just the CUB music back in the day.

Oh and because all beer ads have at least one phallic symbol in it, I’d like to point out the camera shot that pans down for no good reason only to stop on the lovely young lady placing the bread stick in her mouth, followed by some dodgy looking cheese wedges, and then a blonde lady with an unusually phallic glass, and gee she’s holding it in a strange way.  

But hey that’s just my cynical modern view of life. This is from a time when things were simpler, acting was poorer, and ads were a lot slower.

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Pabst Blue Ribbon

 After drinking the James Belgian Brown from 2 brothers, I now understand the awesome power of funk and beer. With that in mind I present to you a Pabst Blue Ribbon (which is a American commercial beer, and thus I assume terrible) advertisement from what looks to me to be the very late 70’s.

Pabst seems to identified black men as being cool, also musicians are cool, so black musicians = Super cool. But this is the 70’s so they have to be approachable, so rather than finding a Gil Scott Heron they instead have found the whitest black band in America. Who entertain us with their Sax solos. 

They understand that you have to sing in beer ads so they go with the singing narrative route. In a very white sounding voice they tell me that they have been working hard (just like those Aussies chopping a tree) and now they need a beer (just like the VB ad) so it’s time to take you giant Afro and huge moustache along with your wife/girlfriend/extra from The Cosby show down to the bar for a beer.

At said bar you will be greeted by a strange man in a linen suit who may or may not have walked off the set of the local cop show where he was investigating the case of who stole his collar. You will also be served a drink that looks kind of like beer, but not really. It’ll have a huge head of very very white foam on it, you will look happy, but because it’s an American ad you won’t actually drink the beer, just look at it.

A little research tells me the peak of Pabst sales were in 1977 (18 million barrels a year). By 2001 they were only selling 1 million barrels. You know what that tells me? – Afros, Waistcoats and Mo’s sell beer.  So ad makers of the world take heed.

Even further research tells me that Pabst is loved (in a wholly ironic way) by hipsters, of course they call it PBR now. I’m sure this would be great for sales if hipsters could actually drink, the problem of course being that skinny jeans and the physique that only a beer can bring don’t mix.

KB Draught

Ahhh, the Bong Bong country races, the perfect setting for an advertisement about beer. Why? Because it’s the country which is fucking Aussie, and Bong Bong just sounds a bit rude. Not as rude a Spanker’s Knob in Gippsland, but hey KB Draught is a NSW beer so they had to stick with this – Although Finger Post (near Mudgee) could have been a better bet.

But I digress, back to what makes this ad great. The story, It’s a perfect early 1980’s Aussie story, first we introduce the dude in the stubbies and tux jacket – the height of fashion in those days. Second the slutty receptionist, this of course a time when the key responsibilities for the receptionist was answering phone calls and giving head jobs, plus her name is Raelene, I’m sure that no one has been called Raelene since 1983.

The thing that really dates this ad though is the bashing of the computer. This was a time before the internet so this was a time before men realised that computers were the world’s most powerful tool for finding porn, so we thought that computers would never be smarter than people. Now of course I know sixteen people who are dumber than my tamagotchi.

Okay so we have hit the half way mark of this ad, and there has been no singing and you couldn’t sell beer in the 80’s without a song so it’s time to cue the jingle, the key line – Shake hands with a cold cold beer.’ This sounds like a euphemism to me….

 

 

Michelob

 

Michelob seems to have made somewhat of a comeback recently in the Australian market, particularly with the fairer sex, Now I would argue that this is because as it is an American beer, it taste like water and thus is perfect for women, who, you know generally don’t actually like beer*

 

But what if you had to sell beer to Chicks, well being men in advertising we would make the conclusion that Chicks can’t drink as much as men, solution, smaller bottles of beer, simple

 

Plus check out the head on the beer, and the head of the spokeswomen for that matter, what I fucking terrible hair do, plus what’s with the outfit? Are they suggesting she is a giant lesbo? Surely if you were a women in the 70’s that drunk beer you were a dyke right?

 

* we should state that here a ‘Great Set of Tipples’ we love chicks who love beer, they are the best chicks in the world. And we don’t care if you are a lesbian, drunk lesbians are funny. So in summary Beer drinking chicks are cool and we want to go out with you, lesbians are cool, beer drinking bi sexual girls who are willing to go out with me are 2 X super cool.